There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
