we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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