Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
