She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
