I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
