Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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