final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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