That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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