you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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