Are we in a gay sports bar?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
