Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
