Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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