i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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