It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
