Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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