and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
