Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
