why didn't you poke me back
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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