He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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