I think i peed on brittanys purse
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
