he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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