my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
