Fine. I'll sleep in my office
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize