who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
