Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
