Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
