Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
