ya dads aren't the best wingmen
someone owes me an orgasm
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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