i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
