We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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