Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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