My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's always time for handjobs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
