He uses pillows to masturbate.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize