Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Buhtt sex?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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