This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
