U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
