if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
