im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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