if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
