you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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