Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
