I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
