This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
