Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
