I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
