I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
