im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
