K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
