you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
