okay pat passed out under dana's car
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize