We're facebook friends in real life
You can't motorboat a personality
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
