in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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