I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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