i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
