The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
