The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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