Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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