There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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