They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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