Christians are straight up FREAKS
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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