I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
