hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
