to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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