im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She needs sedatives and a leash
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
