This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
