the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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