She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
