Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
