Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
