Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
