Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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