we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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