I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
