my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
