I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
